Cracked Cathy

Who do you turn to when everybody around you is telling you that you are mad? Cracked Cathy is a new psychological thriller by Victoria Ward - coming soon

Day 12 Been really ill so went away for a rest for the weekend in a caravan in the woods. Still exhausted but managed to get into work today where I have been teaching women on probation about mind management - accessing their intuition and trusting it and using it to change their lives. Been working on Cracked Cathy over the weekend. Have just put another excerpt on the Unbound site and social media so hopefully will generate some more pledges but have to say after my mini-meltdown last week I resigned myself (only partly mind you) that crowdfunding is not going to work for me and I will end up having to self-publish Cracked Cathy as I did my comedy Jenna Jaghe. Still not giving up and will see it through to the end. I would benefit from an ongoing counsellor for this mood swing however have no money so just have to carry on counselling myself and pray that somehow people will see it, read it, love it and want to be part of the whole writing process – mood swings and all! https://un

Cracked cathy And then Cathy had discovered the waste pipe – just in case she didn’t get out. It was suspended from the ceiling, in a side room off towards the laundry. The room was used to store the simple wooden chairs when space was needed in the group therapy room for twirling around like fucking fairies – dance therapy (with a pit faced, chunk of a woman who resembled a puck – both in the mythical sense and the small, fat inanimate object). Cathy fantasised about taking one of the chairs, that she now sat on, tying the piss stained, bed sheet around her neck, flinging the other end around that glorious waste pipe and kicking the chair over. How’s that for group therapy? It was only a pity she wouldn’t be around to see bitch nurses gaping face hole. Cathy had said this last part out loud again. Vow of silence unwillingly and temporarily broken: another side effect of her all-consuming troubled mind. Cathy blamed the drugs. A couple of the women nudged each other and sniggered, as i

Cathy Proctor slouched in a simple wooden chair; her head lolled forward like a ragdoll, chin on chest inflaming the chronic tension in her neck. She relished the moment of escape into the physical pain – a pithy respite from the emotional agony that was all consuming. Her drab, brown, itchy, mohair cardigan was pulled tightly around her tiny, fragile body as she picked at her hang nails. Her fingers sore and bleeding as she cradled them in her lap; much the same way that she had cradled her baby before she had been taken. Cathy’s once bouncy, copper hair now clumped in greasy strands like dripping candle wax, framing the harrowed face that shadowed her deep-set eyes, her liver iris’s drowning in inky sacks. Her once vibrant flame snuffed out. The softness of her delicate features, ravaged by the wretchedness that had become her life, left her weathering a haggard, stale, sallow look, much older than her twenty-five years – her youthful dew, stolen, slipping away like the memory of

Day 9 Just when you think things cannot get any worse…..Needed to work today, had to call in sick yesterday, woke at 6.45 in extreme pain (last stage of labour type of pain – no exaggeration) made it to bathroom then woke up 10 minutes later on the floor having passed out. Back to A&E to be prodded and pricked to be told that I probably passed out from the pain. Did not make it to work. Meanwhile while I have to rest I am working on Cathy’s decline into the asylum and updating the Unbound updates page. Nobody can ever accuse me of giving up. Even if I do not raise the funds at least I know I have given it my all even though it feels like I am being knocked down at every post. Can’t remember where I read this but it’s got me through the last five years: be prepared to spend 3-5 years trying to get a break: you need self-belief bordering on delusion! https://unbound.com/books/cracked-cathy

An extract from the new psychological thriller Cracked Cathy out soon by Victoria Ward She had tried to adopt all the usual coping strategies. Had taken root in the library, read everything that had ever been written about grief but it was fruitless. The theory of the five stages of grief was bullshit. It was not systematic. There would never be any acceptance for Cathy. Her baby girl had disappeared. How did you ever accept that? And she had no parents to turn to, no best friend. The jester must have been rubbing his hands together in delight at this gem. You couldn’t put a person through much worse. Well you could. You could put an unwanted baby in her tummy so they couldn’t escape, so they had no choice but to endure. As a desperate attempt to function she told herself the baby inside her was Elisabeth reincarnate. It was the only way that she could get through the day anymore, especially after the will it took not to punch herself in the stomach at the first flutter of butterfly

Day 7 This is hard. I am working 3 days teaching, trying to finish the book which I am excited about and loving writing but need to find the time to market it and get in the pledges and still have a ton of uni work to get through. My faith is dwindling a little more each day because nobody is even sharing my posts let alone pledging to my book. It is hard to stay positive. I am trying not to take it personally but when your own family do not even attempt to help by just sharing a post then it’s a tough one. I thought at least people would share it. I am doubting that this is going to happen. I will keep writing regardless. I have whole books in my head that I need to get out so I will never give up on the writing but this crowd funding is difficult when you are rubbish at selling yourself and do not have a vast network of followers. https://unbound.com/books/cracked-cathy

Day 5 Drank a few whiskeys last night to help with the pain (physical not emotional…. actually, not gonna lie, it took the edge off the disappointment I was feeling yesterday), so was expecting to feel a little rough today but don’t so am working on the days before Cathy get sectioned in the asylum. Started filling in the updates section on my dashboard on the Unbound publishing platform to keep supporters of Cracked Cathy updated with the books progression. I will happily answer any questions about Cracked Cathy, Unbound, domestic abuse, writing, publishing, marketing (however could really do with some tips about that one myself) and anything else I can help with. No more pledges so far. Trying not to think about it. It will either happen or it won’t. No point in worrying about it and at least I have tried. https://unbound.com/books/cracked-cathy

Day 4 So only 3 pledges so far. I know it will take time but feeling a little hurt and upset that my family and friends, except the 4 that have, have not pledged. Feel a little deflated, like I won’t meet the target. I know I have to stay positive and I will not let this feeling stop me giving everything I have but I said that this would be a brutally honest account of my publishing experience with Unbound and it will be. I want to help others understand that the emotions that come with writing are perfectly normal and prevalent throughout (either that or I am actually as nuts as they say I am!) I am finding it scary though because, aside from putting myself and my work out there for everybody to see, the financial worry is huge. My teaching bursary is running out and am worried about finances (who’d have thought being ill and not needing as much food would be a silver lining) and only have until September to get Cracked Cathy off the ground and I have my operation in July so will be

Day 3 Surprisingly upbeat. Antibiotics have kicked in and not feeling as sorry for my unsuccessful ass today. Feeling like I can do this, even with a UTI and fibroids. Editing some of book and concentrating on Jennifer’s character profile today. Mike Proctor will not see her coming. Did the video for Unbound yesterday (was not the best day to do it considering my emotions). My friend said “what you’re saying is good, now wash your hair and do it again.” Washed hair and done it again with my glasses on. Have sent it round to friends who have said an array of: the glasses are a barrier to you; you look like a book nerd (good) and then lots of laughter (at me not with me). I can’t do another one, it’s so hard. Have you seen the episode of Friends where Chandler and Monica are having their engagement photo taken for the announcements in the local paper? Well that’s me every time I am in front of the camera. This one is going to have to do. Sent it to Unbound and it’s gone live. Terrifying!